Perfectionism

Sometimes perfectionism is hailed as a virtue, but most of the time, people who feel like they must be perfect always fall short of the impossible standard they have set for themselves.  This can lead to feelings of worthlessness and shame.

Some people with perfectionistic tendencies are high achievers with imposter syndrome—who feel like they are really failures who are just fooling everybody around them.  Other perfectionists are so paralyzed by their fear of failure that they are unwilling to try new things unless they can guarantee success.

Many perfectionists use faulty black and white thinking—that I am either a total success, or a total failure—and have difficulty seeing anything in between.  Some people are perfectionistic towards themselves, and develop eating disorders or other obsessive, compulsive, or scrupulous behaviors to try to make everything exactly right.

Sometimes parents have perfectionistic and unrealistic goals for their children which can lead to depression or frustration in both parents and children when the exacting standard cannot be met.   Other times, we subscribe to social pressures surrounding beauty or church pressures surrounding righteousness and feel like we will never measure up.

Rather than help you become more perfect, therapy can help challenge the underlying assumptions about yourself—for example, that you are not enough—which are making you so unhappy.  It can be helpful to have a professional to consult with about how to achieve your goals to find balance and happiness in your life. Perfectionists often times have a hard time asking for help.  It can feel like an admission of failure to seek help for something you feel that you should be in control of on your own.  If some of this sounds familiar and you want to explore options for support, book your first appointment below or contact me for more information.