Couples Therapy

There are many reasons for seeking out couples therapy. Unfortunately, one of the most common reasons is infidelity.  Whether due to illicit pornography use, an emotional or internet affair, an extramarital physical relationship, or paid sex, infidelity can tear apart a relationship faster than anything else.  A crazy wide range of emotions are experienced by both partners, and it can be so helpful to have a trained therapist to help you through this difficult time.

I wouldn’t be in this line of work if I didn’t believe that it was possible to heal a relationship after betrayal.  However, that is not always possible or even desirable.  In the words of one of the great couples therapists of our time, Esther Perel, “Your first marriage is over.  Would you like to create a second one together?” Helping couples answer this question and go through the challenging work of redefining personal and relational priorities is a rewarding part of my practice.

Other common reasons for seeking out couples therapy include communication problems or conflicts about parenting.  Often, we get ourselves stuck in patterns of behavior that make the problem worse over time.  These cycles of conflict wear us down and make us forget why we fell in love in the first place.  I enjoy helping couples discover their problematic ways of interacting.  Once understood, couples can work to interact differently and rekindle their romantic feelings for each other.

Individual problems can also affect a couple’s relationship.  In a religious context, if one partner experiences a faith crisis or a shift in beliefs, this can feel like a betrayal to the other spouse.  Coming to a new understanding together of how to raise the children, which family or religious traditions to participate in, and generating feelings of empathy and respect for each person’s views and spiritual progression is crucial to maintaining a strong marriage along the way.

Often times life transitions like the birth of a baby, the launching of an adult child, a deployment, a move to a new area, or a career change, can raise the stress level in a fairly good relationship to an unstable level.  Other times, grief and loss such as a miscarriage or infertility, the death of a parent or child, or a difficult health diagnosis can feel overwhelming.  If one partner is experiencing a mental health issue like an eating disorder or is struggling with body image, depression, or an addiction, this can affect the way the relationship functions.  Still other factors like libido differences, gender role expectations, or sexual identity issues can be difficult topics to broach, even in loving marriages, without the help of a professional who can keep the conversation safe and constructive.  Couples counseling can be an effective way to navigate these personal problems with the additional support of your partner by your side.

Making the decision to invest in couples therapy can be very difficult. Sometimes it can seem like an admission of failure.  Other times, one partner might have an inkling that it might be helpful, while the other insists that things aren’t “that bad.”  In my experience, it generally works out so much better if you come in a few times to recharge a relationship that is doing pretty well but experiencing a few bumps, rather than to wait until things totally unravel.  One point that is very important when choosing a couples therapist is that both spouses like the therapist and feel like they can be respected and understood.  I encourage both you and your partner to spend some time looking around my website to consider if you think I might be a good fit for you.

In couples counseling, I use the work of John Gottman to help couples repair their relationship.  Gottman is a pioneer in the field of marriage therapy and has developed research-based strategies to improve friendship, manage conflict, and create shared meaning.

After the initial couples therapy session, I typically meet with each member of the couple individually to better understand the most salient issues from each person’s perspective.  I also usually have the couple complete the Gottman Checkup, which is an online assessment designed to provide me with thorough information about your most pressing issues.  Then we come back together in couples therapy to begin the work of rebuilding your relationship.

If you are interested in working with me for couples therapy, book your first appointment below or contact me for more information.