This month, in conjunction of the launching of my new website athletementalwellness.com, I’m featuring a book about an athlete: What Made Maddy Run: The Secret Struggles and Tragic Death of an All-American Teen by Kate Fagan.
Madison Holleran was a student-athlete at the University of Pennsylvania who died by suicide during her freshman year. She was a talented enough athlete to be in the privileged position to choose between two Division I sports in college—soccer or track. Soccer was her passion, but track could get her into the Ivy League at Penn. She chose Penn.
When she got to Penn, school was really hard, perhaps for the first time. As an 800-meter runner, she also had to compete in Cross Country for the first time. She wasn’t happy and she felt that something was off, but she wasn’t able to articulate it clearly enough to her friends and family. She never mentioned suicidal thoughts to them.
She started seeing a therapist from her hometown in New Jersey over the holidays, but couldn’t continue that when she went back to Penn (due to state licensure laws…one of my pet peeves is how a lack of national licensure makes it difficult for clients and specialist therapists to connect, and to receive/provide continuity of care, but that’s another soapbox for another day). Maddy tried to quit track over the break between semesters but was encouraged by her coach to adapt her training and stick it out. She died by suicide in early January before her second semester began.
This book shines a light on so many important issues when it comes to the mental health of student-athletes, but it has a broader reach than that. It also speaks to the difficulty of adapting to college, how burdensome perfectionism can become, and how ill-equipped coaches, family, and friends can be to know how to handle mental health issues.
This story is tragic and compelling, but also allows for deep introspection. I couldn’t put it down and read it in less than 24 hours. Give it a read soon!