This month I am featuring another great book by Esther Perel: Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic.
This is her most well-known book and is a more in-depth look at the concepts in her popular TED talks which you can find here: Rethinking Infidelity…a talk for anyone who has ever loved and here: The secret to desire in a long-term relationship.
Perel discusses the important dichotomy of a long-term monogamous relationship needing both security and adventure. She argues that while togetherness and knowing your partner benefit emotional intimacy, separateness is what fans the flame of eroticism which is an important part of keeping a long-term sexual relationship exciting and satisfying.
This does not necessarily mean physical distance but rather being able to see your partner as someone separate and distinct from you that is mysterious and enticing.
To me, Perel has an almost poetic way of writing about these issues. She’s so quotable, and it’s almost impossible to do justice to her work via a quick summary. Check out her book and if you’re more of a listener, you can also check out her podcasts here: https://www.estherperel.com/podcast
You can also check out my post about another one of her fantastic books, The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity.